I love you as you are

When does a new year start? I don't believe that a new year is so specific as January 1st because a good year vs. a bad year doesn't always coincide with the calendar. Over my life I've heard comments such as, "Whew, I'm glad that year is over, it was so bad and I hope the following year is better." Or other such things. Some bad years don't even start until maybe August and people don't stop to think about the good months earlier that year.

I admit that my kids would probably tell you that 2006 was a bad year. It was a hard year and yet many good things happened throughout the year as well as good memories. Many though are bittersweet since that's the year their dad was sick and then died toward the end. However, that is also life and life is what you make of it. The year my stepfather died was a hard time and subsequently after. It's amazing how much you miss people who affect your life even if it's a short time. It's been just over 26 years and you know, we still miss him. My kids will miss their dad and for that matter, I do and will. I think he could help the boys in ways I can't, but that is another blog and another day.

I'm writing this tell you that I hate New Year’s. The only thing good about it is that many of us get a day off. Some get a paid day off and others, who have to work it, get extra pay, so that makes New Year’s worth the insipid holiday.

When my kids were younger, we spent most New Year’s at my Mom’s when she lived in Holladay just playing games. One year before I had children I spent New Year’s in Wisconsin. That was a lot of fun, especially the snowmobiling in sub zero weather. More than the snowmobiling was the colorful animal life; beautiful foxes and birds mostly. Just a note, most of the more enjoyable New Year’s were spent with my kids and their friends and/or my nieces and nephews.

When January 2nd comes around, the kids were back in school and we dealt with the cold bite of winter. This year however, kids get an extra couple days before going back to school, but my kids are grown now and my good friend who teaches school is out of town. (No play time.)

People talk about they hope the next year will be better or they say, I’m glad that year is over. They don’t take into account that part of the year was good and some of it just a bit tougher. When does a year of good or bad or anything really start, except fiscal, tax, and actual calendar years?

The idea that magically your life will be better because the clock reaches midnight January 1st of a new calendar year is preposterous. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. It just doesn’t happen that way. If you expect anything to be better, then you are the one that has to change it and make it better long before a new year comes. Whatever was bad last year will follow you into a new year.

It seems to me that people are waiting for January 1st to make changes in their lives. Ads, news shows, talk shows, and it seems everything else is plastered with talk of New Year’s resolutions. If you aren’t happy with a result, do something different, but don’t look for the bad things in your life.

When I was in elementary, the teachers had us write New Year’s. They asked us to look at things we didn’t like about ourselves rather than encourage us to find the good in ourselves and others. Then we read our resolutions out loud and let the whole class see what we thought was wrong. In about 5th grade or something like that one kid was smart and said, I’m perfect, so maybe I should be a little less conceited.

The thing is, why do we wait for January 1st to change something we want to do different? I’ve heard it takes 21 days to make a new habit. Why do we think we can just stop doing something we’ve done for years? I believe you replace habits with something better. I’ve heard people say they will smoke their last cigarette at 11:59pm on December 31st, they will throw out all their cigarettes and never smoke again. Never mind that they just spent $50—out of habit—on a new carton of cigarettes. However at midnight on January 1st, they will no longer smoke. Or there is the eating healthier thing and your cupboard is still stocked with all the goodies you bought for Christmas. Not to forget the rich wonderful pound cake Great Aunt Mathilda makes every year from a recipe handed down from her great grandmother or something like that. However, I do know that people can avoid the annual fruit cake. It’s the one thing that has a shelf life longer than beans. You can recycle it and let the grocers resale it next year. I’ve heard it’s like wine, it gets better with age. Or just put it to good use as a door stop. Just give me a glass of wine and prop the door open with the fruit cake from 1999.

If you're going to make changes in your life, replace one habit with a better habit, but most of all, reflect on the good things you’ve done, what you've learned, and what you like about yourself. Don’t wait until any New Year’s Day to improve something, but smile a lot, forgive, love, be kind to others all year, and don’t be hard on yourself.

I don't usually wish people Happy New Year because I believe you have to find happiness within and that no other person can make you happy. You can be happy and find joy with another, but if it's based on someone making you happy, then one or both will lose. My wish is that everyone enjoy their days and appreciate them--even the challenges because it's through the hard times that we grow and learn the most.

I learn and find joy with everyone I meet, well with some appreciation for who they are because I've learned from that. And all my friends and family are special in my life because of who they are. This is to let everyone know I love you as you are.